Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
