i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
