In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
