Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
