If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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