FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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