The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
this hospital has no fireball
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
