The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
