Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
His hands were made for my vagina.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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