you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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