I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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