Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
