My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
