you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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