I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
