What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
