i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
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2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
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I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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