You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
