Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
