My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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