Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
