in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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