Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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