oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
