I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
This is the high leading the old right now
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".