like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
