We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
