He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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