Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
