I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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