So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
