I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
