Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Randomize
