glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
