You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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