i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
