i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
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I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
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You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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