I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
