Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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