He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
