like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
