so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
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She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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