In the future we'll all be gay
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
