I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
