My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
