dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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