That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
so let's talk penis.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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