once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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