I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Randomize
