1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Boobs speak an international language.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
