I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
