I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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