yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My underwear smells like fireworks.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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