no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
