im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
