i already hear my dad disowning me
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
