just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
