I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just want to make out with him forever
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
