I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
