Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
the liver wants what the liver wants
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
