Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
