I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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