you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I think a kid would responsible me up
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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