The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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