i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
