too bad you live with your parents still
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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