with your own penis?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
