At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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