I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
