You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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