last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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