marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Randomize
