Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
