When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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