I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
