Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
