I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
