Having a random hookup so left but love u
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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