before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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