So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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