Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
