i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
it hurts more in the daytime
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
