you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
