so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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