Jerry, you need to find god
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
