dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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