Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
