i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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