I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
