lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
