Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
